And So I Live: Surviving My Solstice Vision Quest ~ Aphorism(s)

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A few days before last year’s December Solstice—just preceding a flight to Cordoba,  Argentina—I had finished drafting My Thoughts Inexactly ~In Exactness~ S is for Solstice, and set it to publish on the December 21, 2017 solstice time of 11:27 EST (the time of the exact event being 13:27:50 in Chilean Time, where solar noon would be).

Realizing how dangerous my journey might be (and simultaneously not at all Realizing it), I included one of my boldest declarations in case I did not return, which prophetically had come to me in the waxing of the previous winter solstice on December 20th, 2016, with full blown solstice insomnia, whereby I declared “Be a Goddamning animal”. And in recognition of the insanity I was embarking upon, and that I knew I had to go and that I might very well die, I ended the series of aphorisms with acceptance: “And so I die…” It almost proved itself…

Por Que?

35298574_669097290103264_4160131831443750912_oMy mission (several months later described to me by an elder as my “Vision Quest”) was to get to the inflection subsolar point on the Tropic Of Capricorn where it was solar noon at the moment of the solstice. This is only one of two zenith points every year that the sun does not cross, but rather kisses; the other zenith being somewhere on the Tropic Of Cancer. The years that it falls on land in the southern hemisphere is a stark minority, and
IMG_20181223_020232very rare to fall on Chile—one out of every 107 years on average—one of the narrowest countries in terms of ratio in the whole world; and not coincidentally (so I now believe most especially) the land of Pedro Pascal, the actor who brings to life my prominent fictional hero Oberyn Martell and whose shirt I wore at bottom layer for defiant strength on that fateful day.

Enter the Desierto

A few days later and several thousand miles, now in San Pedro de Atacama on the night of December 20th—after a mad scramble from Argentina up and over to the Atacama region of Chile and a long exhausting day trying to find a ride up the desert “ramp” plateau for the next morning and then a wandering altitude acclimation near 20171220_185221Volcán Licancabur—I found myself in my lodging for the night in great distress over my next day’s seemingly-impossible journey, and was acutely uneasy about leaving the ending aphorism “and so I die”. I decided to log in to Subverses and after some debate deleted the aphorism, knowing (and not knowing) that I had the choice whether or not to fate myself to death.

“Today Is Not The Day I Die”

The next day—the day I successfully avoided an Unexploded Ordnance left over  from Pinochet, the day I almost died from heat stroke, the day I almost died from lack of atmosphere and altitude sickness, the day I almost died from despair in the face of extreme concentrated solar energy, the day I almost died from 12 tornadoes, the night I almost died from exposure to extreme cold—I kept saying to myself “Today is not the day I die” (Oberyn’s last words to his paramour) and at night, OTHERS pitched in and started saying this for me, carrying and caring for me. The Universe conspired to keep me alive, and I affirmed to myself that I am just as important a part in determining the course of the Universe as any other.


*That day, one of the most common points of reference for me, was too look to my west and try and see volcán Láscar (pictured at top) and those in its chain, remembering the unique community I was a part of. These images are burned in to my mind.

**There is so much more to say and note, but this is not the place for it. This was merely a place for me to recall the un-fateful writings and epitaphs I tempted in the leading and following through with my vision quest.

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notes 4 today: 2018-05-16 (Weathering Down Climate; Frozen Dreams; Globalizing The Earth; Game Of Thrones Show End Scenario)

It’s been a while since I did one of these Notes 4 Today. I reserve the right to write like shit and essentially just get ideas in. But it might also be pleasant prose, depending on a variety of factors. Either way, what I like about the “Notes 4 Today” form is that it’s intellectually honest stuff I release that is in short and real form, not spinning one of these ideas in to hundreds of pages to manufacture something that can satisfy academia and the consumption culture. Pamphlets—if any written word—foster revolution, not hefty books that screw up your neck.

title: Weathering Down Climate: Alternate theories about the progress of predictability

It is quite possible that weather forecasting has become more astute over the years and that is the key reason that forecasts for weather are much more accurate than they used to be. Taking jabs at weathermen for being right only half the time is no longer in the air. The go-to cause of this is that the technology to predict, the climate modeling systems, are much more sophisticated than they used to be. I would offer that there is another factor involved—and that is that the weather is actually becoming simplified. The dynamic role of ecosystems to modulate and bring flavor and subtlety to the atmosphere has been greatly reduced as the human industrial disease tears away life on this planet. There is generally more wind as the Earth desertifies and there are less barriers to change the wind and moisture, so broader swaths of land end up being subjected to the same weather; whether it be cold moisture or hot dry air. In essence, the job of the weathermen in their increasing respectability to forecast will become more like forecasting weather on Jupiter—there will be lots of wind and a big red storm for the next 10 days.

title: Sleeping in the Cold: Creating the Dream World

If it’s other animals it’s called hibernation, conserving energy, and other things. If it’s humans it’s called depression and maybe chronic fatigue syndrome… which bleeds into the other seasons via the massive undulating disregulation. Anyways, I hate the cold, but sleep when it happens (meaning I’m not charged up on non-climate appropriate foods and lighting influences) is quite appropriate and natural, not just within the context of carbon life on this planet, but the general principle of the Universe wanting to evolve ever more complexly, and so necessarily doing it in smaller spaces. The lower energy places (i.e. the cold) afford life the opportunity away from the high energy that pulls us in and bounces us in different directions given our 1st generation particle make-up. The cold allows us to get to work on the 0th level, the new level, the lower level (the generation to come!). Particles get to dissociate in dreams and themselves become entire galaxies during sleep. Life doesn’t have built in waste time; only diseases in a highly inefficient relationship with their eco-system (i.e. awake humans stuck in boredom, induced to destructiveness through an analytic resource extractive relationship with the planet.

So, sleeping more in the cold is not just for energy conservation, but is an opportunity that life seizes to build configurations for conscious experience that are not normally afforded during better heated times. The problem for life then is not necessarily the cold, but being awake during it and having spent so much alert time enmeshed in it; in the cold we should be searching for the warmth of sleep, yet we steadily find ourselves in the unsteady. Thermal differentiation kills delicate vital difference that is bred in relative thermal equilibrium. The bouncing around in physical dwellings of modernity, from a well-heated home to a poorly heated home to a humid green house to the outdoors, all throw off the difference building capacities of the life. Life—a la the spreading out of the Universe—wants to get colder so that it can dig deeper in to make more exotic energy flows, and so the cold might just be the way to that. But those who brave the cold can’t tease themselves with heating, modern rat race overworking, and this sort of thing that frustrates it at every level. The person, just like any of the animals observed in the akin environment, needs to be fully committed to sleeping which includes non-sleep time activities that build sleep pressure and don’t diminish it. There is nothing more depraved than winter-time insomniacs. This is hell on the frozen Earth.

title: Globalizing the Earth

Humans have reconceputalized the Earth as one of our geometric object categories, a globe, and now impose on the earth all of our sciences. We stopped seeing the earth for what it was, and would rather see our own thoughts from our distorted societal interactions be echoed in the earth itself, instead of having the earth echo in us. It’s no giant leap to then start confusing places like Mars as only slightly different than the Earth because they are both “globes” and planets, and they only require ingredients, as if life is a recipe and we can now play the cooks. Earth has an evolutionary history and a concentration of subtle and unique energies that is so vastly different than anything mars or a moon of jupiter might have. Potentials are certainly there, but actuals are what life is, not some alienated scientist’s mental masturbations when s/he isn’t accidentally almost creating blackholes in the LHC.

title: Game of Thrones End Scenario (a new beginning)

Basically, the white walkers kill everyone over the course of the last season, on both Westeros and Essos. Even with Melissandre coming from westeros with army’s of dragons that she birthed inside of a giant snake (to speed up the time needed to get full sized dragons, all of this taking place in the shadowlands). But then in that vastness of nothing but snow and zombies in the final episode once all life has been destroyed. A huge gaping cataclysm opens up the continent and swallows the Night’s King and the entire army. This is the Lord of Light’s doing, revealed somehow. What happens next is that there are beams of light that appear on the surface and then materialize to be humans, the new “first men” or, the new “children”. Maybe the first word they say to one another is “Andal” or something like that, I don’t know. Essentially then the show will be revealing at the end that there is a cyclical nature to the GoT Universe. The Eternal Return.

Image result for there's only one hell

The Physics Of My Dreams (Zeroth Draft)

What makes our dreams so unique? I don’t fucking know. But as a theorist I have some guesses:

Dreams are created (in part, at least) by our brains, the best and most subtle particle decelerators in the Universe (not black holes). You might recall—either from memory or from google—the existence of the third, the second, and the first generation of particles, a classification all together called the standard model.

However, you wouldn’t recall—just as you might not recall a dream—the existence of a zeroth generation of particles. Just like the second and third generations of particles, these particles are not easily observable in our modern patch of the Universe. Whereas the second and third generation of particles cannot maintain for long because of their high energy is out of balance with the ambient energetic state (that is synchronized well with the first generation of particles), the zeroth generation is at a much lower energy state, one that the Universe in the future may approximate. However it is not just the for the future to wander in to this lower energy space where first generation particles and the energy soup that surrounds them to decay in to zeroth generation particles. Such particle decay happens in our brains all the time, especially during sleep. Time itself in dreams can seem to be multiplied out in duration, and such is the rich complexity that takes hold when a lower, more “efficient” use of particles is at play and interacting in the energetic Universe and consciousness. In a sense, consciousness dives down into these lower more complexifiable zeroth generation particle configurations to expand the depth and breadth of experience—just as the life force of the Universe has done all along since the big bang.

These zeroth generation particles are at such low energies that they alter the very foundations of planck distance and planck quanta. This is particle diffusion—but they only last as long as the collection of brain energy can remain subtle enough to hold this space as it’s own dream Universe. All sorts of quantum gatherings and intrigue happen here and are drawn here. Quantum tunneling and harmonization with other dreamers creating similar families of zeroth generations of particles are frequenc-ially aware of one another, perhaps more intelligible if it were to be put in to terms of string theory and not quantum theory.

Now as onlookers—many physicists included—often philosophically prematurely presume, the “fundamental” (bias) first-generation particles are foundational and determinative of what they coalesce to create. Not so the case here, in the very least. These lower mass particles emerge as the subtle storm a brain reaches in micro regions, with first generation particles decaying in to these lower state particles. Directly or indirectly related, the Planck constant—though it may seem fixed and holds the very name to convey such—is actually something subject to evolution and devolution. It varies and will vary, based on the success and failures of we—largely composed of first generation matter organisms—who create our present, which sews the seeds of the future we will inhabit or be extincted from.

In our dreams we are literally building prototypes of the future physical capacities of the Universe. These are refuges and inspiralations that we can grow and make more populated so in a future time lifeforms commonly dwell there, and clock time relatively is slowed exponentially.

A zeroth generation of particles? I know it’s probably a new idea for you, so why don’t you sleep on it and see if it takes hold.

Related Posts:

notes 4 today: 2016-12-15 (Particle Decelerators; Framing Infrastructure As The Ontastricture; Exo-DNA; Tripping Yourself)

The Eternal Difference

The uinverse Part 1: Logic as the Metaphysic

The uinverse Past 2: Effects Searching for Causes

The uinverse Part 3: Moving Past the Future

The First Unlaw Of Thermodynamics: Energy As The Unlawful Principal Of The Living Universe

 

Fixed Shadows, Broken Humans

Shadows that grow
Shadows that decay
Now stuck with us
Are shadows that stay

Night is a time for darkness and for fire on the ground; day is a time for light coming from the fire in the sky. At night fire dances the shadows, and during day the fire that moves across the sky evolves the shadows by the moment. For Earth’s four and a half billion years, shadows would come and shadows would go, until now. Shadows were ephemeral until humans devised artificial light and “fixed” them. Artificial light brings with it artificial shadows, impregnating our reality with stagnant darkness, all the moreso because of our stagnant material objects.

Breaking Edison’s Idea: A Light Bulb Needs To Go Off
These artificial shadows brought on by artificial light scar the night and the day. Artificial light and its artificial shadows disrupt the flow of the balancing night, pulling us and other animals away from the magic of dark and sleep. The natural dark of night is attacked and made to contrast harshly with the bright polluting lights of modern civilization, straining our eyes with a constant unwavering sting, when our widened pupils have a want of darkness and sleep. During the day artificial light pulls us away from the Earthly atmosphere, and in to insulated and stagnant strucures we call “home” and “work”. The sun and sky are marginalized, and human-made lights steadily and stagnantly have us gravitating around them in stagnant and mis-circulated air.

Moving-light Therapy: Lux in Flux. A modest improvement on the besieged psychological life of a modern human stuck indoors is for the lights themselves to be moved around the room and dimmed and brightened subtly throughout the day. This mimicking of the sun across the sky will not provide the full spectrum of light given by the sun, but at the least lux in flux will evolve the shadows in a more psychologically healthful way.

A Dimmer Look At The Progress Of Civilization
With the peaking of artificial light in this 21st century has come the peaking of many other artifices—peak pollution, peak disease, peak war, and peak genocide—all together in a great and terrible wind that is The War Against The World. Life on Earth is at a nadir in this multi-millenial war against the world, culminating in the Sixth Mass Extinction Event, the first of the Mass Extinctions heralded by a single species—humans. All these life-destroying entities are correlated and all seem to be aided by the human method of sedentary and resource exhaustive deployment on the surfaces of the Earth. Artificial light has sped along our technological invasion of ecosystems and geological strata as we now have more time than ever before to devise more severe penetrations of the Earth.

To all this I say: Fiat Tenebrae (Let There Be Dark)

Lunar Appendage
The upcoming solar eclipse—which forced my hand to write this—is seminal in the daytime light and shadow play that is the most variable of any event on Earth for such a wide area. The moon turns the sun in to a flickering fire that casts a novel shadow and a ring of fire.

Beyond the occassional eclipse, the Moon is the false sun, for we only see the one side of the moon because of it’s tidal locking. It only reveals one undisturbed side of itself. It is both a permanent shadow and a permanent light, depending on the phase of the lunar cycle. It will be full shadow on the eclipse, perhaps only the Sun thus is able to reveal to us the Moon’s true nature. The Moon does not evolve with light or dark. It is not a becoming, it is quite fixed (and quite weak, chained to the Earth).

Editional (September 22)
We focus on the light, and energy more generally, as central, but really the history of the universe tells us that the great diffusion of these things is what is necessary for evolving a higher complexity.

Related Aphorisms 

We must be the night, not to defy the sun, but to preserve darkness from the gathering shadows.

When you are looking around for the shadow from the LED lights, and then to your horror you realize you are the shadow.

The difference between darkness and shadows is so profound that light stands in between them.

Run right at Sauron, and watch fire blink.

The light of science creates permanent objects of knowledge, but is blind to the unnatural permanent shadows on the far side of the light.

blinding dark

X is for Xotic (My Thoughts Inexactly)

Your beauty is such that my eyes feel you and my skin sees you.

Sex is the agony of being in two bodies.

Swallow pure difference, and it is you who are digested.

We make history, or we will be deleted from it.

The robots wrapped in human skin will be envied by the human robots who have forsaken their skin.

Do not be so swift to make smoothness and conformity a highest goal. Smooth is a tombstone, yet engraved in it is a time of death.

The supreme trance artist is as a perfect lover, knowing exactly when and how to change intensity and rhythm to heighten the harmonization.

1 body in to 1,000,000 bodies in, the zeroes start to blur and are thus forgotten.

Love is to be the fire for something beyond yourself—if you keep it inside, you will burn.

X is for X10ding, and X-10-CIV is not only 94, and X is four. Choices are boundless, but binds are ever a choice. We only remain in the shadow of the Romans if we remain bent over their traditions.

 

My Thoughts Inexactly: F is Forcing, otra vez

If you shiver when beauty touches you, you are the one doing the touching.

Chew on your fortune, for that is the real cookie.

So beautiful a thing is loyalty despite the confines in to which it is submerged and conflated with—hierarchy and monogamy.

We may never touch power, but power ever touches us.

If real progress seems far fetched, think nearer.

Fate is what the weak cling to, and it is what the strong create.

The tragic irony of our times is that if we are to survive we will do it despite our parents, not because of them (as should be).

Let your fire rage, and if bridges be burned know that they were contrived in falsity and their endurance was a puppet string that you may now be liberated from.

Insincerity for the purpose of entertainment and jest is a higher form of sincerity.

To see the light at the end of this tunnel we have dug ourselves in to, we will have to be far seeing and have the will to turn around.

We must be the night, not to defy the sun, but to preserve darkness from the gathering shadows.

Identity is a previous investment trap.

Grassroots can only make change so deep, especially when there are forces that keep mowing them down. Other deeper rooting methods are needed.

Oppression existing is the longest term predictor of extinction.

Death frees us from the final terrifying moments of life so that we do not have to bear them in memory. Terrifying moments that don’t kill us are torturous if death is prevented or delayed.

To be willing to die for something gives you a huge advantage over your opponents. To be willing to live for that something seals the deal.

They are not the be all and end all, but they might be our end all.

I want unconditional freedom, and that makes me a target. However, because of that very freedom, I am a moving target.

When humans break they break other humans. We are anything but an individualist species.

God is love misspelled, and religion is love misunderstood.

Go Foucault Yourself

A fish out of the water is today’s dinner, and a human off the land is tomorrow’s breakfast. When dawn is eclipsing the horizon, will you be there to greet it?

It is true that we can feel one another’s pain. But it is even truer that pain fades away if we feel one another.

When in doubt and all seems equivalent, privilege the new arbitrary over the old arbitrary.

Don’t focus on what it means, focus on what it does.

With the military industrial complex, we’ve all become prisoners of war; and with the prison industrial complex, soon we will all become prisoners.

To belittle others one must belittle oneself.

Capitalism depends upon war; whether it be a world war or a war on the world, if there be such a difference for it is now blurry, as with our vision.

Teleology is the ideology of necessity.

Don’t fear death, fear not being alive.

360 degrees crooked appears straight to the weak minded.

If the slow and systematic enervation of the planet burns a rage inside of you, then you are a comrade of mine.

The world has such great problems, especially when we remove ourselves from being part of it.

When plurality is singularity, contradictions will be in contradiction.

Give all your energy to revolution, and you will receive it back many fold. The Universe yearns for a new way for life, and has an unimaginable abundance ready to freely give out.

One does not even need to eat magic mushrooms, to be fed the magic of mushroom. There are far more immediate connections than digestion.

 

My Thoughts Inexactly: F is for

For some, it is two days before Christmas; for others, it is two days after the Solstice; for me, it is today. Each day is its own holiday, better when not planned for or longed after. Join me, for a day is singular and so should our presence be!

Saving the Earth is saving yourself spelled differently.

Lovemaking with others is the most profound way to connect to Earth.

It is telling that words are the weapon of so many.

The only way to have the enduring revolution we all need as humans, is if the four-letter word hidden within is not ever forgotten.

If the choice between allying with a person or with the Universe is not the same choice, then it cannot be love.

I love to be contrary to culture, because love has become so contrary to the values of these cultures. A culture in which love is marginalized cannot endure.

Their mouths say they are our elders but their actions say they are our enemies.

If only we were serious about our play time, and playful about our serious time.

They occupy us, if we occupy their ceremonies, whether in protest or support.

I thought I was tortured by your presence, but now only in your absence do I know this was not true.

We want revolution, not because we want violence, but because we want an end to violence!

We should all have an inflated sense of self—it’s called Earth.

Don’t hold something twice (a proverb meaning that so much is already taken care of and being supported by larger forces that it is not just useless but also potentially harmful to intervene).

When kings realize they are pawns in someone else’s game…

The Universal life force stretches consciousness deeper as it stretches deeper into space. We are left timeless, and need no infinity pre-existing; we can become the infinity.

The first shots of a war long brewing will only ever be known to the perpetrators, not the victims.

We bipolar people can change the world, but more often than not we will change it back.

All that science has known correctly and known incorrectly in stored mediated form is in toto far less than was immediately known before science, and civilization, ever existed.

The ignorant will die,
without knowing why.

Paganism isn’t a different world. Its entering the world by removing that which would defer it.

Get in to the minds of others, by letting in the minds of others. Getting in to the minds of others, they get in to the minds of others.

When your low point is behind you, you’re going in the correct direction. If you’re going in the incorrect direction, you won’t know that you don’t know where you are.

The Romeo and Juliet story of polyamory will not be one of families warring but of families joining.

notes 4 today: 2016-12-20 (Winter Solstice Energy; Hyper-theses Valid Until Proven Otherwise; Dear oh Deer, Cities And Bureaucracies Will Kill Us All; Ostracization Of Ostracization)

title: Winter Solstice Energy

“Can’t sleep can’t think can’t stop getting shivers. This solstice shit is powerful; this love is even moreso.”

— A facebook status that I altered withholding from posting (to not reveal a telling hint to the one by whom I am smitten)

This particular hibernal solstice is not like the particular estival solstice 6 months before, not just because one is hibernal and one estival, but because the one before had a full moon in the same day and this one is having a full moon a week before. Yet, for whatever reason, and for only the second solstice in my life, I am on a multi-day extremely low sleep pattern. What’s interesting though is that during this hibernal solstice, if I am remembering correctly, the sun is the closest to the Earth when when it is lowest in the sky for the Northern hemisphere. I wonder if this is a balance or a point of greatest contradiction for the lifeforms enduring these energy shifts. Today, the day before the solstice, I had a heightened spiritual conversation as I drove on wide open New York Thruway and then a Westering Interstate (84?) to get raw milk. Among the discussions that felt like a communing with the trees, mountains and especially the sun, was a whole lot of powerful aphorisms. There was one focused on mushrooms that I will share here:

“One doesn’t need to eat mushrooms, to be fed mushrooms”

I’ve never partaken in psychadelics for shamanic connections, but I certainly felt the aliveness today. It is the second solstice in a row where this has happened. Moments like these are unspeakably reaffirming; I cried in commiseration with the friendly reassuring forces, injustices happening, and of vows to fight for life. Yet there will now be a dread in me that I will not only be losing sleepiness, but losing sleep to (playing on one of my favorite aphorisms).

This note, and everything below, will be on 12 hours of sleep over the last 6 days…

One might be born into a religion, or later choose to join a religion. But it is the Earthly energies that choose to breathe a new life at conception.


title: Hyper-theses Valid Until Proven Otherwise
The scientific process is all together backwards in its approach to the fecundity of the Universe. Scientists and aficionados like this about science—its ability to weed out all but the logically assimilated factors in the Universe that are repeatable rather than unique and spontaneous—but any therapist that has an interdisciplinary acumen could see how grossly invalidating science is to not just a great many theories—”hypotheses”—but also the very real people behind them that took mental energies aside to generate them.

In the spirit of pronoia, and the notion that what exists is its own justification, I wanted to formalize the direct inversion (one of inclusion) to the scientific method of exclusion. Essentially it’s that something is valid until it is proven invalid by some method. Why do thoughts occur to people (and dreams, and dream worlds), where do they come from? The experience of them is very real, which means to me they are as real as other things that are experienced, whether or not they are “eternally” real or “ephemerally” real. The nomadic “ephemeral” real might be the most dynamic and will always be overlooked by science, for it is a law breaker and science stays strictly to the confines of legality.

The emotions, the beauty, the touching—its all very real and all generally foreign to science. Again, ideas generated in your imagination or intuition gotten from your body should be thought of as real and true until they are disproven.

Perhaps in many decades science will turn it’s eye to “know” what has already been long before known, without need of costly and alienating experiments.

Lastly, I wanted to point out a correlation (a causation?) between the development of science and the development of problems in the world, specifically the loss of biomass and biodiversity. When all the narratives of progress are discarded for the propaganda they are, we can see with the much better criterion of life existing and to what extent, that there has been indeed great loss rather than progress. Should we blame science per se? Certainly not as the cause, but perhaps a co-factor. Science knowledge accumulation informs chemists when they develop anti-biological compounds.

re is a scientific correlation between the development of science and the development of problems in the world. The scientific method is anti-thetical to the thesis that something is valid until it is proven unvalid, as, not the opposite direction which is that of science.


title: Dear oh Deer, Cities And Bureaucracies Will Kill Us All

http://www.cnn.com/2016/12/16/us/new-york-harlem-deer-dies/index.html

First off, let the deer’s death be in venison, not in vain. Don’t know how they are planning on dealing with the deer’s body, and all the less celebritized deers that die in less infamous circumstances. Industrial chickens practically die from the stress (sometimes hours away from death when they are slaughtered) and are filled with some unfavorable hormones, so that at least is not a reason to avoid eating this deer.

So this may seem like a sad and cute story, but I think it is quite revealing. Humans are temporally quite far from deer evolutionarily (by our own standards, at least), but being of the mammalian family and having most of our needs be similar does suggest that there are comparisons to be drawn. Our systems for decision making (i.e. bureaucracies) are not adequate to biological life, which includes ourselves lest we forget. Though we do not seldom die from bureaucracies, we all indeed do atrophy a bit, weathered down; one additional stressor in the cumulative paralysis of stressors.


title: Ostracization Of Ostracization

Ostracization used to essentially be a death sentence to a person, but this is no longer the case, and on the surface that sounds good because that means no one will have to suffer that fate. However, to draw it level with our time in two dimensions—

1) We have the specter of imprisonment, capital punishment, and other variations that can amount to a death sentence, literally or in labor ostracization (prison record).

2) Ostracization wasn’t something that had to be used all the time (it could act as a deterrent most of the time), and perhaps it can be guessed at that in more recent ancient history banishment for a set time used to happen (1 year?), maybe depending on the offense a person wouldn’t be permenantly ostracized. So it was effectively their judicial system, and certainly I’m guessing most of the tribes that used this had good and valid reasons—for they are giving up one of their own that has already been a love and food investment when they were younger at least, and now won’t be in the society in that capacity. So that really elevates what the severity had to be to get them kicked out. Or perhaps they were a freeloader type that somehow evolved in to that context.

Now what happens in modern western liberal “democracies” is that people who are ostracized because of something the group finds off-putting are then afforded a huge range of other groups that are composed of other ostracized groups to just form a new critical mass for a second community. Before actual ostracization happens, or in tandem with hints of its existence, there is sometimes “self-ostracization” where people might be inclined to leave a social group and join another, sensing they didn’t fit in but new they would elsewhere.

So the problem with this is that the corrective abilities that are evolved with balance in primates are disbanded without anything else to replace them. The long term consequences of this are huge and I think we are seeing it now if we look with any degree of realism at our fellow humans. So yes, specific individuals are empowered in the near term by this process, but it is costly environmentally and disempowers everybody, including the humans as resources (emotional capacities, bodily functionality, as well as soil and other ground resources). OoO wreaks of being deeply reinforcing as by feedback loops with globalization, both eroding localism in their own unique ways.

There has been a denudering of the ability to punish bad behavior, and so these behaviors proliferate in this vacuum.

notes 4 today: 2016-12-15 (Particle Decelerators; Framing Infrastructure As The Ontastricture; Exo-DNA; Tripping Yourself)

title: Particle Decelerators

Acceleration Seals A Tunnel Narrow

Hundreds of thousands of people choosing to spend hundreds of thousands of their own hours, leaving relationships, abandoning their children, expelling all emotion from their bodies, all for a single obsession, is what particle physics has become. They are married to another ring, or marred by the ring—abused brains turned to victims that don’t want to imagine escape as vital. It is an explosive ring, a bomb for the subatomic, creating a world broken down so small that math is used to speak of it. Breathe enough life and energy into math, you’ll come to believe that the math breathes life into you. Perpetual circling without ever diving for prey. Endless bricks being gathered for a house with no vision; as long as it’s tidy and fits on a standard or standardizable map. Messy guests like Niels Bohr are chided and cursed (and then worshiped), leaving piles of debris, gaping holes, and suicides in their wake. These brilliant outsiders, though left without accommodations, are posthumously elevated to legendary and cleaned up after with tireless effort. I focus on them, because they are the completed bridge with a landing on the other side. They are both thinkers of the world of particle acceleration, but their brains are obviously perfect specimens of…

Particle Deceleration. The human brain is a particle decelerator, functioning especially well in this capacity during times of sleep and when adequate nutrients are being provided. The terrain is one of a lightning storm where the ground and sky switch places, waterfalls rise, lakes rain, effects create causes to pull them, where versa vices, and where temporality is extended and morphologized with a rapidity and slowness that is astonishing. It is quite on the opposite side of the spectrum from the time-crushing black holes—the dangerously violent infinite acceleration that humans foolishly try to emulate.
Brains, on the other end, can make a couple of seconds of well used time reverberate into eons upon of vital time. What barriers are there to keep a couple of minutes external time to being stretched out in sleep to days of dynamic internal dreaming time?
New particles are created and dispersed with great ease as the mereological forces of the complex consciousness dwelling in the brain push downwards. A new world is experimented with and built, conceived out of the utmost love rather than the violence of PA collisions. Space is opened by curvaceousness and low temperatures, and particles that are unpredictably unpredictable. A new world is being cultivated, largely built now primarily in ephemeral nomadic fashion in the brains of humans, but to the benefit of the whole universe as the first generation of particles wanes in a few billions (or trillions) of years, depending on who or when is counting. The zeroth generation of particles, the generation to come, can be much more plentiful for they are made of energy many orders of magnitude lower in quantity. They can be part of atoms and chemicals that are liquid and gaseous near absolute zero whereas our first generation particles, atoms, and molecules would fail to be more than frozen at such temperatures. They are the mercury bridge to the warmth of a colder, even more complex and spread out Universe than the first generation of particles has offered. To get there, all we have to do is dream…


title: Framing Infrastructure As The Ontastricture
*This note and the next one “Exo-DNA” have been paired together, though this one is from 2015 and the Exo-DNA is recent.

When you wipe away all the wealth attribution and the large dwellings and fine clothes, oligarchs are merely opportunists who use the infrastructure of the last 10,000 years of civilization that’s been afforded them. They give themselves the biggest cages, but yes, not even they—the great shadow groups that drive some of us crazy thinking that there is no hope when control is so complete—are free from cages. Not one of us is born outside of a cage (or if we were, we would essentially be encaged by adjacent cages, an island in an ocean); not any animal on this entire planet, save some temporary and opportune species, is doing any better in vital terms than since the time when human civilization was first spreading from insignificant permanent dwellings to land management that shackled ecosystems.

Perhaps because of the realities of man-made environmental catastrophes and extinctions, there is an incorrect assumption that we four generations of humans alive today are not only to blame, but also wield the ability to undo our damage. But much of this is out of our control, evidenced because we—a 10,000+ year we—are killing animals we didn’t actually intend to and did not have the power to foretell. We are not only not fully in control of all the bad things done previously, we are not fully in control of the bad things being done. Importantly, it is not the ghosts from the past that need to be blamed for the ongoing problems being proliferated (though they’ve done much to deserve it), but the infrastructure that survived them and is currently plaguing so much of our planet, looking to survive it too. So, it is idiotic and an act of hubris to think the wars against life are all of our making and that we need not pay attention to egregious historical momentum; we are the inheritors of a vast accumulation of wastelands that are eroding because of the adjacent land’s erosion caused by the roads and yet other erosions, coming with deforestation and desertification of particular lands. We are not completely the dominant of the civilization but we are subjected to it, yet we have unique abilities to curb the influence.

The infrastructure laden land is not the only problematic terrain that we’ve inherited. So, too, we are the inheritors of cliches that guide behavior down very unthoughtful paths. Language, itself, is the arbitrary compilation of sounds beaten in to heads that had no intrinsic sonic merit of their own on which to stand; they only find their value in relation to other words, or objectified “things”. Anything built on such vacuous grounds is sure to do what vacuums do—suck other things in to their zone of influence—just as a black hole does via gravity.

Infrastructure, even the root-word “structure”, brings to mind a series of hard surfaces that are relatively impregnable to softer forces, such as carbon-based life. And what is life if not the impregnation of adjacent materiality with more space for further life? Here we are, the human life-form, building things that keep life from getting a hold. We aim for clean and plane surfaces, and we now support these perverted efforts to keep things “tidy” by actively spraying and respraying anti-life chemicals to keep these surfaces geometric. We design things to be “proof”—weather proof clothing and cars, decay proof food, imagination proof instruction (though there are some promising directions towards holistic education). As things continue to be proof of life, proof of life will be harder to come by.


title: Exo-DNA

Most genetic encoding information is endogenous to the affected genetically reproduced animal. Humans, however, have in effect added a supplementary genetic code from outside of themselves that deeply effects (stifles) their development; counter genes are expressed by our accumulating artifices, beginning with tools and culminating now in what we might call infrastructure (including digital infrastructure). It repeatedly informs our development in a recursive sense that sees both the humans changing as well as the genetic “infrastructure” itself, an integral process in the co-evolution of a life-form and its genes. Infrastructure has evolved rather quickly, faster than our intrinsic DNA could possibly keep up, and it goes a long way to explain how we could be so similar yet so alien to a person from even two hundred years ago. The rapidity and frequency of “editing”—deriving from the controlling genetics of infrastructure—blends from being genetic to epi-genetic, but I’m not sure it qualifies as epi-genetic because of the largely one-way impact of the genes, though exo-genes do turn off some and turn on others in our own genes (an epi-genetic process?).

*I don’t think of this note as being partied to the technological singularity notion, and wonder if it might even run counter to some of it’s basic premises.


title: Tripping Yourself

Abstract: Those who let hallucinogenics do the work of removing the false barriers that dampen connection with the holistic reality will not develop the ability to remove these barriers themselves. When the fungi runs out, so will you…

I have by no means developed anything close to what presumably the hallucinogenic compounds would do automatically. However, in their absence and in my constant quest to de-normalize reality for “accessing deeper truths” I have been employing with some success tactics that take my mind to a different space.

→ Saying a normal word over and over and over again makes it sound arbitrary and foreign (which it is), for example: “normal normal normal normal normal normal…”. “Each” always gets me, very quickly, too—”eeech”
→ Mental gibberish not only helps me with falling asleep, but it is quasi-meditative (or pre-meditative), and it alone—but especially in combination with the next self-trip mechanism—can be evocative, depending on the rhythm and activated energy pre-existing in my body.
→ I take raving breaks, and if in a social/professional setting I go to the public bathroom and rave in front of the mirror. The mental benefits are a secondary concern to the bodily benefits of moving my body after it was locked (generally this the case) in to a seated position. Come to think of it, I will take such a break now. As opposed to the standard curvy flow of warming up my body via bathroom raving, when explicitly looking to trip myself I will evolve the raving so my hands to swerve right in front of my eyes and I will percolate my fingers to give uneven visual light distribution. This twisted tai chi, in combination with making strange faces at myself in front of a mirror, makes me feel much more animal. I wonder if along different lines there are people who voluntarily wear an eye-patch for a day, switch it (or not), and then return back to double vision to get a new appreciation of their visual capacities, but also to strengthen their singular eye faculties. Perhaps I will become one such person, but I doubt I would last more than 15 minutes before frustration sets in (though perhaps a build-up of tolerance would be necessary, or a reminder that there are those of one eye who have no option).
→ Imagining I am a giant and all the little things around my living space are being looked at from a great height. If I do it right, this “trip” will be more than just a rationalized telling of myself that things are relative and a deep world exists down in the microspheres, but the trip will be independent of self-speech and will be a coup d’œil (of sorts) that has my occipita step out of itself and my head shivers with the overflow.
→ Note: though the following entrancement mechanism may technically better go under the first arrow of repeating a phrase, it is unique and has more to do with the arrow immediately above. My saying “nothing existing, ever, nothing to exist for ever, no time to ever exist, there could have been nothing to be nothing” will eventually give me a sublime shiver that really pulls me out of myself and scares the shit out of me; this feeling is sort of akin, though more intense, than the “I am a giant” induced feeling. If I’m really scared I reassure myself of Des Cartes’ “I think therefore I am”.
→ This may be more cathartic than mind-altering, but over recent months I occasionally moan out loudly in different tones to expel any negative frequencies that I sense are there. It’s all very intuitive and feels quite obsessive-compulsive, but I trust the impulse as one of healing. I wonder if the adjacent apartments hear it and have to absorb the sound I am ridding myself of.
→ LZGEWV JMQRFNYAT BHX DUP KOS I&C, now I sow my LZGs…
→ Bursts of cold water while in the shower, where I turn the nozzle quickly to all cold and then back to warm does something, though it’s usually very short-lived. During the summer I was taking cold dark baths which were exhilarating and refreshing.
→ Dancing, in social situations, has always been a way to trip myself. It is very beautiful to happen in a club with great music and strange lights, but it is less completely bodily created and much more dependent on the vibrations of the music as support. An interesting experiment, but it would take a lot of willing people, would be to dance without music or even the allowance of bodily-made percussion. Sans music it would take a lot longer and greater force of personalities to create, but it might be all the more profound once reached.
→ This last one is breaking the rules of what I feel is environmental-influence free mind-altering (or at least mood altering), but it is listening to trance music that I know induces euphoria and an epic sense within me. Some other select songs also have quite an effect on me, entrancing me the way a Shamanic ritual might.

All of these arrows are just precursors to allow the mind to wander more freely and sensually in strange directions that wouldn’t be normally allowed by sterile environmental indoctrination. I have been doing most of these for a long time without doing them for the express and explicit purpose of tripping myself, but rather they just evolved along with others that I can’t probably recall because I haven’t inducted them in to the newly created “trip myself tools” category. Alas, I will stop the ineffective babble here, and perhaps start the more effective gibberish…